News with a humourous edge
Five Guys burger chain on the verge of becoming entirely arsehole-free
22 February 2025 @ 9:40 am
Burger restaurant Five Guys is on the verge of becoming free from the sort of blue-tick Twitter arsehole that takes advice from Laurence Fox.Government to follow end of Apple’s advanced data encryption with move to ban ‘indecipherable’ Geordie accent
21 February 2025 @ 3:46 pm
The Geordie accent will be banned under new encryption laws being proposed by the home secretary, we can report today.Government introducing new legislation to force you to cc them on all emails
21 February 2025 @ 3:29 pm
The government has today insisted that the security of the nation relies on you voluntarily cc'ing the government on all texts and emails you send from your phone in future.Rachel Reeves pledges third WH Smith’s at Heathrow
21 February 2025 @ 11:49 am
The Chancellor Rachel Reeves has announced a third WH Smith’s at Heathrow Airport.Winston Churchill was a ‘despised dictator’ for cancelling wartime elections, insists Elon Musk
21 February 2025 @ 8:42 am
Space Karen has today declared that Winston Churchill was a despised dictator for cancelling British elections during the Second World War. The 1940 UK General Election was postponed due to WWII, as general elections involving the general public during wartime are not always a ‘wise move’. However, Musk insisted that if the British people reallyWoman buys chair that no-one will ever be allowed sit on
20 February 2025 @ 2:21 pm
A Basingstoke woman has treated herself to a new vintage chair that no-one will ever be able to sit on.Donald Trump to ban apples in the US after Putin tells him swallowing the pips can make trees grow out of your bum
20 February 2025 @ 1:35 pm
Donald Trump is continuing his trend of basing US policy on whatever Vladimir Putin tells him, by banning apples after his good friend and trusted confidant told him a story about this kid who swallowed some pips and they made a tree grow out of his bottom.Hannibal Lector confirmed as US secretary for Not Eating People
20 February 2025 @ 11:04 am
Hannibal Lector has been confirmed as the Secretary for Not Eating People by the US Senate.“You could have made a deal”, Trump blames Poland for starting World War II
19 February 2025 @ 11:08 am
Donald Trump has insisted today that Poland should apologise for starting World War II.Stagnant economy, weak pound and rising inflation were in our other manifesto, insist Labour
19 February 2025 @ 9:11 am
With a stagnant economy showing no signs of growth, and inflation back upto 3% for the first time in almost a year, Labour has insisted this was all in their other manifesto.