TheOnion.com

The post Trump Says He Won’t Rule Out Third Reich appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—In the wake of comments the comedian made that reportedly angered the Trump administration, the White House Correspondents’ Association confirmed Monday that it had scrapped Amber Ruffin as the host of its annual dinner in favor of terrified silence. “After much deliberation, we have opted to part ways with Ms. Ruffin so we can refocus […] The post White House Correspondents’ Dinner Scraps Host In Favor Of Terrified Silence appeared first on The Onion.

The post Dietary Restrict-Funs appeared first on The Onion.

The University of Maryland announced that muppet Kermit the Frog will speak at its 2025 commencement ceremony, the iconic green frog having been created by Jim Henson, who graduated from UMD in 1960. What do you think? The post Kermit The Frog To Deliver University Of Maryland Commencement Speech appeared first on The Onion.

As the art of homesteading enjoys a resurgence in modern culture, many Americans are turning to backyard chicken coops as both an alternative source of food and a rewarding hobby. The Onion shares tips for tending a flock of chickens of your own.  Decide if you’ll be raising chickens for food, companionship, or blood sacrifice. […] The post Tips For Keeping Backyard Chickens appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Lambasting the current program as wasteful, bloated, and entirely unnecessary, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth called for steep cuts Monday to the number of steps in the Alcoholics Anonymous recovery model. “We must cut through the red tape bogging down what could be a far more efficient AA,” said Hegseth, who slammed the 12-step program as […] The post Pete Hegseth Calls For Steep Cuts To Number Of Steps In AA Recovery appeared first on The Onion.

The post Ex Run Into While Stalking Other Ex appeared first on The Onion.

ARLINGTON, VA—Arguing that the move would allow the government agency to present a united front against threats to national security, the Pentagon announced Monday that it was cutting all employees with weak jawlines. “We’re committed to enforcing the highest standards within the Defense Department, which is why we’re now requiring everyone who works here to […] The post Pentagon Cuts All Employees With Weak Jawlines appeared first on The Onion.

NEW YORK—Saying he found the activity enriched his life and provided him with a real sense of purpose, local man Martin Berens, 43, spent his afternoon volunteering opinions about the homeless, sources confirmed Monday. “Nothing makes me feel better than heading down to the park in my spare time and serving up a bunch of […] The post Man Spends Afternoon Volunteering Opinions About The Homeless appeared first on The Onion.

A new Deloitte study found that about 50% of younger consumers prefer watching creator-driven content on social media over big-budget Hollywood entertainment, claiming they feel more connected to influencers than to actors. What do you think? The post Gen Z, Millennials Prefer Influencer Content Over Premium Entertainment appeared first on The Onion.